It has been far too long since I posted on here, so here are just some thoughts going through my head right now. There won't be much structure to this post, but yeah. Even as a follower of Christ I'm not completely doubt free. When I read a story about Jesus giving a blind man his sight or healing a man of leprosy, I have a little trouble with that. I have trouble with things I haven't experienced or witnessed myself. Yet there are many times I am certain there is something bigger, and that it is Christ.
One such time, or rather reason for this certainty, is that I haven't felt alone in a long time. Yes, I am 21 years old and graduating from college in a little over a year so of course I feel a longing for a relationship, but that doesn't control me. As I type this I actually just realized, that whenever I am physically alone, spiritually I do not feel alone. When I get home after a long day, often times I sit in my room and do homework (or procrastinate) and strangely in a lot of these moments something starts stirring within me. Right now it is a feeling of not knowing, and yet a sense of assurance. I don't necessarily know where Christ is leading me, what he's going to do with my life, or in my ministry, but I know that God has his plans for me to walk in. What a grand adventure this is!
Another thought: I have no reason to complain about my day. Every morning when I wake up I get to experience another day of life. Life is among the most beautiful things. Life is given freely. In an awesome sermon, Jonathan David Helser says "Worship is giving back to God what he first gave to us." I believe God gave us life. And this life I owe back to Him. My life was meant to be worship. I think I'll only find joy, not temporary happiness, in life when I am giving each day back, worshiping my creator. I think that is what we were made for.
Sometimes I think maybe I'm just crazy, but other times I feel assured that I'm right. But if this joy and assurance I often feel is crazy, then I don't think I want to be right. I can't imagine going through life in constant worry and fear. Thinking that I have to do it alone. I'm never alone, for the Spirit is always with me. And not only that but God has put several people in my life that I know care deeply for me. I just know there is something bigger and it must be this Christ.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Letting Him shape me
A while back I blogged about something I feel like God has been calling me out on for a while. Something that I acknowledge, but never really took any action on: sin that remains in areas of my life. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that I am a "new creation." "The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." Why then are there still areas of sin in my life? I realize that perfection is something I will never be able to obtain because I am not Christ, but I should still be growing to look more like Christ. If what I say Jesus means to me is true, than it should be evident in my growth towards Christ. I should daily be changed by the Spirit within me and the Word.
Sin still exist in areas of my life because either I allow it to continue, or because I try to fight it on my own to no success. "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Eph. 2:10) I was not made for sin. I was made for good works. So why then do I allow sin to continue in parts of my life? As is evident in scriptures sin ultimately leads to death.
As I've discussed before I can't fight sin on my own. I will always fall trying to fight sin on my own. Trying to do so is prideful. Christ has already won victory over our sin.
We are as the clay and He is as the Sculptor. The clay must trust and submit to the Sculptor and allow Him to shape it into what He desires. We must let God shape us. Let Him take away all the things in our lives that are not what he desires for us. He wants to make each of us his original masterpiece. Jeremiah 29:11 says "'...For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" God has plans for us. Plans that we can trust. He wants to give us so much more than the life that we have in our sin. Ephesians 2:10 says that we are his "workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works."
Here is a video I once saw that talks about this; letting God shape us. I find it pretty powerful and it moves me everytime I watch it.
Sin still exist in areas of my life because either I allow it to continue, or because I try to fight it on my own to no success. "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Eph. 2:10) I was not made for sin. I was made for good works. So why then do I allow sin to continue in parts of my life? As is evident in scriptures sin ultimately leads to death.
"But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 6:21-23
"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." - Romans 8:5-6I have the choice between eternal life and death, and there are still some places where I choose death. That this sin still exists in my life, I would wager to say that I am not giving ALL of my self to God. I'm trying to let God into some areas of my life while trying to do things my own way in other areas. If I were giving all of my self to God then each day I should come to look more like Christ, and the sin that remains in my life would begin to fade. We cannot give only part of ourselves to God. He wants it ALL. He would rather us be all in or all out rather than partially in and partially out.
"I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." - Revelations 3:15-16God is pretty clear about what he wants right here. He would rather we be all in or all out. You can't sit on the fence when it comes to a life with Christ.
As I've discussed before I can't fight sin on my own. I will always fall trying to fight sin on my own. Trying to do so is prideful. Christ has already won victory over our sin.
God wants to give us victory. He wants to set us free. He wants to restore us to righteousness. Only in Christ do we gain this victory, this freedom, this righteousness."'Death is swallowed up in victory.The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians 15:54-57
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?'
"For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." - Romans 8:3-4
"...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8Because of God's immense love for us He sent his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, to die the death that we deserved. To deliver us from life to death. To bring us victory over our sinful flesh.
We are as the clay and He is as the Sculptor. The clay must trust and submit to the Sculptor and allow Him to shape it into what He desires. We must let God shape us. Let Him take away all the things in our lives that are not what he desires for us. He wants to make each of us his original masterpiece. Jeremiah 29:11 says "'...For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" God has plans for us. Plans that we can trust. He wants to give us so much more than the life that we have in our sin. Ephesians 2:10 says that we are his "workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works."
Here is a video I once saw that talks about this; letting God shape us. I find it pretty powerful and it moves me everytime I watch it.
Monday, June 20, 2011
A Breaking Heart
Well, I was about ready to go to bed for the night after a fun night of some sand volleyball with some students, but suddenly I feel my heart breaking. I just wanted to capture my thoughts in this moment. I enjoy this feeling whenever it comes along. It makes me think more according to my purpose. This isn't a broken heart in the sense of "Susie broke my heart". It's in the sense of life is oh so short, oh so precious, and oh so unpredictable. And I know there are a lot of people that don't realize this.
I know there are students at Campbell County High School that do not know this. I believe the Lord wants to love these students, but they keep trying to do things their own way. Not to say I am any better; I try to do a lot of things my own way. We all have this void in our hearts. A void that we absolutely need to fill. Some try to fill it with their friends. Some with romantic relationships. Some with drugs and alcohol. Whenever I try to fill my void with something besides God I just end up feeling broken. Nothing fits in this void other than what was made to fit in it—Christ, God in flesh.
I read in scripture that when we die we face judgement, by which we will either spend eternity in heaven or hell. I read that the only way to get to heaven is through Jesus Christ. One of my high school friends that hasn't accepted Christ could die tomorrow. It is crucial that these students hear the good news that is the gospel. What they do with what they hear is beyond my control, all we can do is share the gospel and for those who accept it help them grow in their faith, let God use us as instruments to help grow these students.
It breaks my heart seeing students throw themselves into the chaos that is life as a high school student. Trying whatever they can to be loved or accepted by those around them. Getting all worked up because someone they thought they'd spend forever with dumped them. Seeing them make friends with people that would gladly stab them in the back to work their way up the social ladder. We make everything important to us that, in the grand scheme of things, is not really that important. We try to take control of things we have no control over, and when these things go wrong we blame ourselves. I don't believe life was intended to be this cruel. Everyone working against each other for themselves rather than working together for all of us as a whole.
In 6 days we are leaving for our summer camp trip. Forty something students from Campbell County will have the best week of their life. Not just because it is a fun week, but because they are away from the chaotic world they know. A world that seems to be falling apart. Everything just feels right at a Young Life camp. Seeing students gathering in the club room to sing songs they may not be caught dead singing on their own time (for guys especially, Party in the USA). There are so many other things I want to put here, but it may ruin the fun for someone who reads this that hasn't gone to a Young Life camp yet. Let's just say there are activities that bring students together as one and let them be who they are.
Most importantly, throughout the week these forty something students will have the gospel broken down for them into chunks that they can take piece by piece and digest. There will be cabins of guys and cabins of girls having open discussion about these chunks of the gospel. As leaders we pray that God will use us in these times, that he'll give us the words to answer questions students may have. We pray that we would also just listen to what students have to say. Speaking aloud is a good way to process information, and some of these students may have never had someone willing to listen to them. We pray the Spirit would be present and guide conversation.
At the end of the week these forty something students will have an opportunity to respond to the gospel. Some may not accept the gospel at that time, and that is okay. All we can do is share the gospel, we can't choose for them how to respond. Some will accept the gospel at the end of the week. We hope to connect those who do accept the message of the gospel in small group bible studies where they can continue to grow together.
I'm very excited for this camp trip, yet also anxious. It will be physically and spiritually exhausting. If you are the praying type, I ask that you pray for the camp trips that will be taking place this summer at Young Life camps around the country. Spiritual warfare is something I have trouble wrapping my critical mind around, but that is what is taking place this summer at these camps.
I know there are students at Campbell County High School that do not know this. I believe the Lord wants to love these students, but they keep trying to do things their own way. Not to say I am any better; I try to do a lot of things my own way. We all have this void in our hearts. A void that we absolutely need to fill. Some try to fill it with their friends. Some with romantic relationships. Some with drugs and alcohol. Whenever I try to fill my void with something besides God I just end up feeling broken. Nothing fits in this void other than what was made to fit in it—Christ, God in flesh.
I read in scripture that when we die we face judgement, by which we will either spend eternity in heaven or hell. I read that the only way to get to heaven is through Jesus Christ. One of my high school friends that hasn't accepted Christ could die tomorrow. It is crucial that these students hear the good news that is the gospel. What they do with what they hear is beyond my control, all we can do is share the gospel and for those who accept it help them grow in their faith, let God use us as instruments to help grow these students.
It breaks my heart seeing students throw themselves into the chaos that is life as a high school student. Trying whatever they can to be loved or accepted by those around them. Getting all worked up because someone they thought they'd spend forever with dumped them. Seeing them make friends with people that would gladly stab them in the back to work their way up the social ladder. We make everything important to us that, in the grand scheme of things, is not really that important. We try to take control of things we have no control over, and when these things go wrong we blame ourselves. I don't believe life was intended to be this cruel. Everyone working against each other for themselves rather than working together for all of us as a whole.
In 6 days we are leaving for our summer camp trip. Forty something students from Campbell County will have the best week of their life. Not just because it is a fun week, but because they are away from the chaotic world they know. A world that seems to be falling apart. Everything just feels right at a Young Life camp. Seeing students gathering in the club room to sing songs they may not be caught dead singing on their own time (for guys especially, Party in the USA). There are so many other things I want to put here, but it may ruin the fun for someone who reads this that hasn't gone to a Young Life camp yet. Let's just say there are activities that bring students together as one and let them be who they are.
Most importantly, throughout the week these forty something students will have the gospel broken down for them into chunks that they can take piece by piece and digest. There will be cabins of guys and cabins of girls having open discussion about these chunks of the gospel. As leaders we pray that God will use us in these times, that he'll give us the words to answer questions students may have. We pray that we would also just listen to what students have to say. Speaking aloud is a good way to process information, and some of these students may have never had someone willing to listen to them. We pray the Spirit would be present and guide conversation.
At the end of the week these forty something students will have an opportunity to respond to the gospel. Some may not accept the gospel at that time, and that is okay. All we can do is share the gospel, we can't choose for them how to respond. Some will accept the gospel at the end of the week. We hope to connect those who do accept the message of the gospel in small group bible studies where they can continue to grow together.
I'm very excited for this camp trip, yet also anxious. It will be physically and spiritually exhausting. If you are the praying type, I ask that you pray for the camp trips that will be taking place this summer at Young Life camps around the country. Spiritual warfare is something I have trouble wrapping my critical mind around, but that is what is taking place this summer at these camps.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
I the sinner... he the king
I the sinner... he the king
full of pride and contempt
I the sinner... he the king
in darkness I walked, to the darkness I fell
I the sinner... he the king
reckless and lost, beaten and tossed
I the sinner... he the king
refusing his help, denying my need
I the sinner... he the king
failing over and over again
I the sinner... he the king
spat on his face, turned my back on grace
I the sinner... he the king
cheering his sentence, no thought of repentance
I the sinner... he the king
watching him die, to the father he cried
I the sinner... he the king
bearing my shame, clearing my name
I the sinner... he the king
rising the third day, all the world to save
I the sinner... he the king
Grace unmeasured, Love undeserved
i the saved... by Christ my King
full of pride and contempt
I the sinner... he the king
in darkness I walked, to the darkness I fell
I the sinner... he the king
reckless and lost, beaten and tossed
I the sinner... he the king
refusing his help, denying my need
I the sinner... he the king
failing over and over again
I the sinner... he the king
spat on his face, turned my back on grace
I the sinner... he the king
cheering his sentence, no thought of repentance
I the sinner... he the king
watching him die, to the father he cried
I the sinner... he the king
bearing my shame, clearing my name
I the sinner... he the king
rising the third day, all the world to save
I the sinner... he the king
Grace unmeasured, Love undeserved
i the saved... by Christ my King
Saturday, April 30, 2011
There is Hope
Often times I feel like there is no hope for getting over my sin. Just as Paul says "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." (Romans 7:18). I desire greatly to do good, what I know is right and pleasing to the Lord, but I often times mess up and find myself back at square one. I realize there is forgiveness, and I accept this, but when I look at the monster that is my sin I feel defeated, for my sin is great. Yet grace abounds.
There is one major flaw in this perspective: I can't conquer my sin. I, alone, can never free myself from sin. I am a fool to ever think that I can conquer sin on my own. For if I could there would have been no reason for the cross. I'd wager to say it is even prideful to think that I can defeat sin. Often times when I am confronted with sin I try to fight the battle on my own, but this is wrong, and I will always lose.
There is hope however. God promised to deliver the people of Israel from their uncleanliness by placing in them His Spirit.
There is one major flaw in this perspective: I can't conquer my sin. I, alone, can never free myself from sin. I am a fool to ever think that I can conquer sin on my own. For if I could there would have been no reason for the cross. I'd wager to say it is even prideful to think that I can defeat sin. Often times when I am confronted with sin I try to fight the battle on my own, but this is wrong, and I will always lose.
There is hope however. God promised to deliver the people of Israel from their uncleanliness by placing in them His Spirit.
"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules." - Ezekiel 36:25-27Jesus did not leave us here to fend for ourselves when he ascended, but he also left us with the Spirit. Through the Spirit and what Christ did on the cross we have all we need for the battles we face. Peter iterates this very thing in his second letter:
"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire." - 2 Peter 1:3-4I cannot rely on myself to resist sin. Rather I must surrender myself to God, His Spirit, and Christ. If I am consumed by the Spirit, I will not be able to help but to walk in God's statutes. Gordon Dalbey says it well in his book Healing the Masculine Soul,
"Under the new covenant initiated by Jesus, another avenue has been opened for lasting saving power. Through Jesus' death and resurrection, the powers separating us from God—namely, our self-centered pride that leads us to sin—have been overcome. We no longer live by threat of the Law, but by the promise of the Holy Spirit, who empowers us to draw close to God and overcome our desires of the flesh."The battle against our sinful desires is not a hopeless battle. As much as the enemy would like me to think otherwise, there is hope. I myself cannot win the battle, but the battle was won on the cross. It is there that Christ died, to cleanse and deliver us from our sin, to deliver us from death to life, eternal life! We also have the Holy Spirit living inside of us that will help us to walk according to God's statutes. It empowers us! All we have to do is surrender. Surrender our pride and stop trying to fight the battle we can't win alone. The battle that is already won! There is hope! God made us as masterpieces and he wants to restore us to the masterpieces he intended us to be.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
"Brief" Story
So just to start off I feel like it would be appropriate to give a "brief" overview of my story. Or rather, His story about me. At least I'll try to keep it brief; I can get a little wordy sometimes. Please stop me if I do (Ha! You really can't). I grew up in a somewhat Christian home. My mom would take my sisters and I to Sunday school every week. We never really went to an actual service, except for a few Easter services. I grew up in a pretty normal home I'd say. In middle school my family moved and church was a little farther away. Having to get up earlier to get there coupled with just being a middle schooler and starting to get lazy, staying up late and sleeping in on the weekends, I eventually stopped going to Sunday school.
Throughout middle school and high school I was probably what one might say was a "good kid". I never really got into any trouble; I wasn't one to party, never had a sip of alcohol, never tried any drugs. Perhaps running track, and later cross country, helped deter me from that path. Even if I wasn't doing any demanding sports I don't know if I would have tried any of that stuff. It's just not my thing.
The biggest turning point (or rather just a point of finding direction) would probably have to be my sophomore year. I was sitting in my room one day giving some thought to what I was going to do in my life. I asked myself, "What's the purpose of life even?" I turned to the only thing I had ever known, the bible. I believed in God and figured he probably had some answers, so as any logical person would I began reading from the beginning, Genesis. Just a heads up, Genesis is not where I'd recommend starting to read your bible for the first time, it will quickly become a long and grueling task, especially when you get into the few books following it. Start in the new testament, that will probably be the best place for a starter. So I started reading my bible... from Genesis... and it was long. I've yet to read the whole old testament.
New thought I've just realized: One thing I really needed was community and a community was quickly provided. We were sitting in my ecology class that I sort of got stuck in and my teacher was offering extra credit if we went to a seminar at a local college university. My friend Tom exclaimed "But I have bible study on that day!" Half joking, half curious, I said "I wanna go to bible study." Tom looked at me with the biggest smile and said "Do you really?!" "Sure," I replied. So I met him in the lobby after school and basically joined his bible study, turned out a lot of my friends were in it. They had all gone to Young Life camp that summer and this study was a spawn from that to keep them all connected and growing. Nonetheless, I began growing in my faith and I learned a lot. I stayed involved with Young Life stuff throughout high school, senior year not as much, but I was still in bible study that met once a week.
After high school and some changing of plans, because post-secondary education doesn't come cheap, I was to be attending Northern Kentucky University. I had interest in being a volunteer Young Life leader because I believed in the words of Jesus when he said "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations." I believed that was my purpose in life and I wanted to be apart of the Young Life ministry because I believe it worked at making disciples. I met a lot of great people my age from other high schools in the area who also wanted to be volunteer leaders. I went to the weekly leadership meetings, but I didn't start actually leading at the time my other friends were starting to lead. Initially because I didn't have a car, which is kind of a problem and I just needed to grow some more. Boy, did I ever grow.
My first semester of college went well. I was doing the things I felt were important I do as a Christian; reading my bible and praying everyday. All was well, but then I started to think about some things. We learned about personality in my psychology class and discussed where it is believed to come from and that just caused me to start asking myself some questions. Didn't shake me up too much, but it was the start of what would be a pretty strenuous and trying time.
I always loved science and for my nature writing class I decided I was going to write a paper refuting abiogenesis, the theory that life arose from nonliving things through a complex series of atmospheric changes and chemical evolution. I dug really deep into all the science and tried to understand all that I could. As I read about it, I began to think that maybe this wasn't such a far-fetched idea after all. On the matter of the debate between pro-creation and pro-evolution scientists, I didn't find many of the Christian scientists' ideas to be very convincing, or a good argument against the idea that life arose from nonliving things. I felt like they were just trying to find any small thing they could to dismiss the idea of abiogenesis. And the pro-abiogenesis scientists seemed to just fill in the hole to make it work, however, I do think they were very critical in their reasoning to hypothesize what they were not sure of. The argument kept leading me in circles.
As I researched all this and began to find abiogenesis more plausible, it started to set off some red flags. It began to tear down some ideas that I had concreted in my head. The ultimate question: "If it is possible that life could have risen of its own accord, then is there a God?" This led to me asking other questions about my faith such as: Did Jesus really rise from the dead? Was he God in the flesh? Was he more than a mere man? These questions also led me to look into a lot of conspiracy ideas behind Christianity and its origins. I also asked other more general questions such as what makes Christianity the right religion. If I was raised, say in the middle east, I would just have easily followed Islam, so how could I be sure Christianity was truth? Are we all just fooling ourselves to believe what we want?
Everything I thought I once knew was falling to pieces around me. Was everything I was living for a lie? No one likes to be deceived or tricked, but I was feeling this way. I spent a long time digging into all these questions, or at times even ignoring it because it really tore my heart up. I could no longer read the bible and believe it as I once did. I had trouble praying because I wasn't sure if anyone was even listening. It felt contradicting to pray to a god I wasn't sure if I even believed anymore. I was so afraid of letting go of everything I had believed for years past. I'm not sure if you've ever felt this way, but this was the most mentally and emotionally stressing thing I've ever dealt with. I went to a lot of different people (both Christian and non) sharing what I was going through hoping they may be able to offer some solace or a straight answer. Much to my dismay, no one had a straight answer to give. I would find rather, that it was a heart issue and something that I must decide for myself. However, many of my close friends I had been confiding in told me "Joey, no matter what decision you make we will always love you." One night I lied in my bed crying and I prayed "God, if you're there, if you're real, just give me some sort of sign." God didn't answer me that night. It was really rough.
Though I didn't get an immediate answer I feel like God gave me a sign in due time. At any rate, the bible says "Do not test the Lord your God". Yet, over the following months something began to come over me I believe. I feel as though God gave me a keen awareness of His Love and what that looked like when lived out in the lives of those who love Him. I was finding a great heart and feeling of compassion for people. I had been attending a church with my friends called Crossroads and they were beginning their Game Change campaign as they called it. They showed a little video to outline their initiatives for the campaign: Expanding their reach by establishing new church sites, establishing a permanent medical system in Mamelodi, South Africa, rescuing girls from sex slavery in India, and a project called Citylink. Seeing all of this moved me, but the breaking point was probably when a preacher in Mamelodi was standing next to a man from Crossroads and said (paraphrased) "This is God's love. That two people from completely different parts of the world, can come together and praise God." I'm pretty sure this was the point where I lost it. There are a lot of good people in the world who don't believe in God and do good things, but I feel the magnitude of what Crossroads was trying do can only be accomplished by God's Love that overflows from us.
I saw God's Love in other places too. I had been going to my area's Young Life leadership group for two years and around me were over 70 people, ranging from young college students to a mom and dad with three kids to take care of, who loved God and because of that choose to spend much of their time (and even money) building genuine friendships with high school students across northern Kentucky in order to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with them, just as Jesus did the disciples.
In the smaller community of friends I was spending most my time with, who were volunteer leaders or were moving to a new stage of their life from leading or even stepping into the shoes of leading, I also witnessed God's Love. That many of them expressed they'd love me no matter what, because I was their brother, meant a lot to me. Without that community, I'm not sure where I'd be now. I think God really blessed me with these people in my life.
I came to realize that if there was anything at all worth living for, it was this Love that I had found. If by chance I was wrong, then I would one day simply die and that would be it, but I would have lived a life that brought me great joy. And even much of the world would say "Do what makes you happy." If, however, I was right in my choice, not only would I have lived a life that brought me joy, but I'd have lived a life that glorified my maker, and I would one day be reunited with Him in a place where ten thousand joys await. As for all the questions about the origin of life that I had been chewing on for some time, they don't really play that big of a role in my faith. I believe there is a God and I believe he descended as Jesus Christ to give us the good news and then died to save us from our sins that we may live eternally with Him. I believe Jesus was the Christ because I've seen a lot of people give their life over to him and change completely. It is a beautiful thing to see. In essence believing in these things is most critical for my faith. In light of my salvation, it doesn't matter too much whether or not the earth was made in six days or over billions of years, or whether or not we came from apes. I believe there was an intention behind whatever process by which we are here. For the intellectual folk, I understand this may be viewed as weak argument. I do not claim it to be an argument for the Christian faith, but rather this is my reasoning for following it and ultimately it is a choice I myself have made.
So where am I now? I am now a volunteer Young Life leader at Campbell County High School. My co-leaders are like family to me and it is such a blessing to serve along side of them. None of us are perfect, but I think that is why God has all of us together; that we may build on one another to do the work together that none of us could do on our own. Where one of us may have a weakness, another of us has their strength. Apart we are dysfunctional, but together we create something beautiful. God uses imperfect people to bring about His kingdom. I'm really excited to see what God has in store for the community of Campbell County and I'm excited to see students come to know and grow in Him. I'm also very excited to see how God will grow me through this experience.
...Yeah... so this wasn't at all brief, but I did follow through in that it was a story. In case anyone were to stumble upon this blog that is at a similar point in their life and not sure what they believe anymore, or maybe they are looking at Christianity for the first time, I have one encouragement to offer: SEEK.
Now that this has all been laid out perhaps any following entry will be much more brief.
Throughout middle school and high school I was probably what one might say was a "good kid". I never really got into any trouble; I wasn't one to party, never had a sip of alcohol, never tried any drugs. Perhaps running track, and later cross country, helped deter me from that path. Even if I wasn't doing any demanding sports I don't know if I would have tried any of that stuff. It's just not my thing.
The biggest turning point (or rather just a point of finding direction) would probably have to be my sophomore year. I was sitting in my room one day giving some thought to what I was going to do in my life. I asked myself, "What's the purpose of life even?" I turned to the only thing I had ever known, the bible. I believed in God and figured he probably had some answers, so as any logical person would I began reading from the beginning, Genesis. Just a heads up, Genesis is not where I'd recommend starting to read your bible for the first time, it will quickly become a long and grueling task, especially when you get into the few books following it. Start in the new testament, that will probably be the best place for a starter. So I started reading my bible... from Genesis... and it was long. I've yet to read the whole old testament.
New thought I've just realized: One thing I really needed was community and a community was quickly provided. We were sitting in my ecology class that I sort of got stuck in and my teacher was offering extra credit if we went to a seminar at a local college university. My friend Tom exclaimed "But I have bible study on that day!" Half joking, half curious, I said "I wanna go to bible study." Tom looked at me with the biggest smile and said "Do you really?!" "Sure," I replied. So I met him in the lobby after school and basically joined his bible study, turned out a lot of my friends were in it. They had all gone to Young Life camp that summer and this study was a spawn from that to keep them all connected and growing. Nonetheless, I began growing in my faith and I learned a lot. I stayed involved with Young Life stuff throughout high school, senior year not as much, but I was still in bible study that met once a week.
After high school and some changing of plans, because post-secondary education doesn't come cheap, I was to be attending Northern Kentucky University. I had interest in being a volunteer Young Life leader because I believed in the words of Jesus when he said "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations." I believed that was my purpose in life and I wanted to be apart of the Young Life ministry because I believe it worked at making disciples. I met a lot of great people my age from other high schools in the area who also wanted to be volunteer leaders. I went to the weekly leadership meetings, but I didn't start actually leading at the time my other friends were starting to lead. Initially because I didn't have a car, which is kind of a problem and I just needed to grow some more. Boy, did I ever grow.
My first semester of college went well. I was doing the things I felt were important I do as a Christian; reading my bible and praying everyday. All was well, but then I started to think about some things. We learned about personality in my psychology class and discussed where it is believed to come from and that just caused me to start asking myself some questions. Didn't shake me up too much, but it was the start of what would be a pretty strenuous and trying time.
I always loved science and for my nature writing class I decided I was going to write a paper refuting abiogenesis, the theory that life arose from nonliving things through a complex series of atmospheric changes and chemical evolution. I dug really deep into all the science and tried to understand all that I could. As I read about it, I began to think that maybe this wasn't such a far-fetched idea after all. On the matter of the debate between pro-creation and pro-evolution scientists, I didn't find many of the Christian scientists' ideas to be very convincing, or a good argument against the idea that life arose from nonliving things. I felt like they were just trying to find any small thing they could to dismiss the idea of abiogenesis. And the pro-abiogenesis scientists seemed to just fill in the hole to make it work, however, I do think they were very critical in their reasoning to hypothesize what they were not sure of. The argument kept leading me in circles.
As I researched all this and began to find abiogenesis more plausible, it started to set off some red flags. It began to tear down some ideas that I had concreted in my head. The ultimate question: "If it is possible that life could have risen of its own accord, then is there a God?" This led to me asking other questions about my faith such as: Did Jesus really rise from the dead? Was he God in the flesh? Was he more than a mere man? These questions also led me to look into a lot of conspiracy ideas behind Christianity and its origins. I also asked other more general questions such as what makes Christianity the right religion. If I was raised, say in the middle east, I would just have easily followed Islam, so how could I be sure Christianity was truth? Are we all just fooling ourselves to believe what we want?
Everything I thought I once knew was falling to pieces around me. Was everything I was living for a lie? No one likes to be deceived or tricked, but I was feeling this way. I spent a long time digging into all these questions, or at times even ignoring it because it really tore my heart up. I could no longer read the bible and believe it as I once did. I had trouble praying because I wasn't sure if anyone was even listening. It felt contradicting to pray to a god I wasn't sure if I even believed anymore. I was so afraid of letting go of everything I had believed for years past. I'm not sure if you've ever felt this way, but this was the most mentally and emotionally stressing thing I've ever dealt with. I went to a lot of different people (both Christian and non) sharing what I was going through hoping they may be able to offer some solace or a straight answer. Much to my dismay, no one had a straight answer to give. I would find rather, that it was a heart issue and something that I must decide for myself. However, many of my close friends I had been confiding in told me "Joey, no matter what decision you make we will always love you." One night I lied in my bed crying and I prayed "God, if you're there, if you're real, just give me some sort of sign." God didn't answer me that night. It was really rough.
Though I didn't get an immediate answer I feel like God gave me a sign in due time. At any rate, the bible says "Do not test the Lord your God". Yet, over the following months something began to come over me I believe. I feel as though God gave me a keen awareness of His Love and what that looked like when lived out in the lives of those who love Him. I was finding a great heart and feeling of compassion for people. I had been attending a church with my friends called Crossroads and they were beginning their Game Change campaign as they called it. They showed a little video to outline their initiatives for the campaign: Expanding their reach by establishing new church sites, establishing a permanent medical system in Mamelodi, South Africa, rescuing girls from sex slavery in India, and a project called Citylink. Seeing all of this moved me, but the breaking point was probably when a preacher in Mamelodi was standing next to a man from Crossroads and said (paraphrased) "This is God's love. That two people from completely different parts of the world, can come together and praise God." I'm pretty sure this was the point where I lost it. There are a lot of good people in the world who don't believe in God and do good things, but I feel the magnitude of what Crossroads was trying do can only be accomplished by God's Love that overflows from us.
I saw God's Love in other places too. I had been going to my area's Young Life leadership group for two years and around me were over 70 people, ranging from young college students to a mom and dad with three kids to take care of, who loved God and because of that choose to spend much of their time (and even money) building genuine friendships with high school students across northern Kentucky in order to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with them, just as Jesus did the disciples.
In the smaller community of friends I was spending most my time with, who were volunteer leaders or were moving to a new stage of their life from leading or even stepping into the shoes of leading, I also witnessed God's Love. That many of them expressed they'd love me no matter what, because I was their brother, meant a lot to me. Without that community, I'm not sure where I'd be now. I think God really blessed me with these people in my life.
I came to realize that if there was anything at all worth living for, it was this Love that I had found. If by chance I was wrong, then I would one day simply die and that would be it, but I would have lived a life that brought me great joy. And even much of the world would say "Do what makes you happy." If, however, I was right in my choice, not only would I have lived a life that brought me joy, but I'd have lived a life that glorified my maker, and I would one day be reunited with Him in a place where ten thousand joys await. As for all the questions about the origin of life that I had been chewing on for some time, they don't really play that big of a role in my faith. I believe there is a God and I believe he descended as Jesus Christ to give us the good news and then died to save us from our sins that we may live eternally with Him. I believe Jesus was the Christ because I've seen a lot of people give their life over to him and change completely. It is a beautiful thing to see. In essence believing in these things is most critical for my faith. In light of my salvation, it doesn't matter too much whether or not the earth was made in six days or over billions of years, or whether or not we came from apes. I believe there was an intention behind whatever process by which we are here. For the intellectual folk, I understand this may be viewed as weak argument. I do not claim it to be an argument for the Christian faith, but rather this is my reasoning for following it and ultimately it is a choice I myself have made.
So where am I now? I am now a volunteer Young Life leader at Campbell County High School. My co-leaders are like family to me and it is such a blessing to serve along side of them. None of us are perfect, but I think that is why God has all of us together; that we may build on one another to do the work together that none of us could do on our own. Where one of us may have a weakness, another of us has their strength. Apart we are dysfunctional, but together we create something beautiful. God uses imperfect people to bring about His kingdom. I'm really excited to see what God has in store for the community of Campbell County and I'm excited to see students come to know and grow in Him. I'm also very excited to see how God will grow me through this experience.
...Yeah... so this wasn't at all brief, but I did follow through in that it was a story. In case anyone were to stumble upon this blog that is at a similar point in their life and not sure what they believe anymore, or maybe they are looking at Christianity for the first time, I have one encouragement to offer: SEEK.
"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." - Jeremiah 29:12-13This is a promise the Lord makes and it is a promise I believe He will deliver on. Seek God with all your heart and you will find Him. It was not any of the science or philosophy that answered my questions and established my faith, but seeking God. I believe he will reveal Himself to you in some way if you seek with all your heart.
Now that this has all been laid out perhaps any following entry will be much more brief.
Monday, April 18, 2011
First
Welcome! This blog is a place for me to put my thoughts on paper (if you will). I'm a follower of Jesus, but it's been a long time coming (yet not so long). I thought I "got it", until I started asking a lot of questions about life and its beginnings and other philosophical-like questions. For a little over a year I searched for answers. Some were found. Many were not. Long story short, God granted me a keen awareness of His Love. It was all around me the whole time. I still have questions occasionally. Those questions will be presented here along with my thoughts on them. I may also lay out questions I've asked in the past and reflect on them and where I am now on the matter. I'll also be sharing any thoughts I feel are prompted or inspired by the Spirit, which speaks ever so loudly when you listen. Welp! Stick around if you wish. I'll be stopping by more often than not hopefully.
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