Everything

Wow. Where to start this one? About two weeks ago I was suddenly overwhelmed with how much Jesus really means to me. I feel I had greatly underestimated how much Jesus means to a sinner like me.

It all started when it came my turn to give a campaigners lesson. I often feel uneasy about giving a lesson because I don't like to take such authority unless I really feel the Spirit has put something on my heart or that I have something worth sharing. As I was sitting in a service at my church on Saturday night the main point of what I was to share came to me in the form of a question that popped into my head and really struck me. At one point towards the end of his sermon my pastor was talking about how we turn to other things to feel full, accepted, or happy other than God. And for whatever reason I suddenly had to ask myself "Is Jesus enough?" I continued to reflect on this question and it furthered into "Is Jesus my everything?" and "What does Jesus really mean to me?" I took this thought and ran with it further.

That Sunday I was driving to Starbucks to plan my lesson. Little did I know I would be the one to receive a lesson myself. I had my iPod playing some Tim Hughes. His song "Everything" came on and I just got lost in it and maybe shed some tears. Listen to this song! It's great! I could do nothing but shout the refrain as loud as I could; "Be my everything!" In all I do, Jesus, be my everything.

I arrived at Starbucks and just started writing down some thoughts and flipping through my bible looking for verses of things that Jesus is to us. I was completely overwhelmed. I sat there for 2 hours blaring Tim Hughes on my iPod and pouring over the Word. As I found verse after verse I felt as though I was reading things that I had somehow forgotten.

Jesus is our joy. He wants to give us joy. (John 15:11, John 16:24)
Jesus is our life. By Him we receive eternal life (John 20:31, John 12:50, John 11:25-26, John 10:9-11, John 10:27-28, John 8:51)
Jesus is our freedom. He wants to set us free! (John 8:31)
Jesus is our victory! (1 Corinthians 15:57)
Jesus is our help. By Him we receive mercy and grace. (Hebrews 4:16)
Jesus is our rest. (Matthew 11:28-30)
Jesus goes to prepare a place for us. (John 14:1-4)
Jesus is our peace. (John 14:27)

This is all that I came up with in a short time. I'm confident there are even more verses that echo the same things or different things. As you may see John was a big chunk of where I found a lot of good stuff. As I flipped through the pages of John I wondered how I had ever read John so lightly. John is an awesome book! Read it!

Also during my planning time I across a publication. Here is an excerpt from it that I really liked:

"When Jesus took on human nature He also took on human weakness, the capacity to sin, and the smallness of a child, the ability to be crushed and vulnerable. He became just one individual up against an unjust system that eventually crucified Him. He was not a stainless steel robot or a Terminator. He was no Rambo. He was fully human, wept, got tired and eventually was overcome by powerful forces and put to death. Yet in God's plan this weakness was to be a great strength. He now is in the heavenly realms interceding for us, understanding us, empowering us. He is our Savior."

For me this brings an understanding of what it meant for Jesus to enter our world, to take on flesh. He became weak for our sake, that there might be a sacrifice that covers sin once and for all. Thereby which we have access to the Kingdom. An everlasting kingdom that does not fade.

Another story that served as a catalyst for this lesson I was being taught is that of the rich young ruler (Luke 18:18-23). The rich young ruler ask Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life. He had kept every command of the old law and yet, Jesus tells him he lacks one thing. Jesus says to the man "One thing  you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me" (emphasis added). This man lacked only one thing that disqualified him from eternal life. He lacked Jesus. He had many, many things, but had no room for Jesus. The rich young ruler walks away saddened. He couldn't let go of all that he had and take Jesus for all he has to offer. The possessions of this man kept him from following Christ.

As I read this parable I couldn't help, but think of myself as the rich young ruler. I may not have great wealth as he had, but I do have many things. Many things that I don't know if I could let go of so easily. Some of the things we have in our lives may keep us from following Jesus, from letting him into our lives completely, from going where he calls us.

From all this I conclude that Jesus is everything. If Jesus is everything, than the rich young ruler, who lacked Jesus, really had nothing. For in the end all the rich young ruler's possessions would fade. Jesus is my everything. I need to let go of everything but Jesus.

Since this lesson two weeks ago I have reminded myself everyday that Jesus is my everything. In doing this I feel much closer to Him and the Father. As though Jesus is walking right beside me each day. I've also just had a surreal trust in the Lord. Jesus has been almost my every thought each day. He is all I want each day. Just to feel like at some point I've been right in his presence.

Old Journal Entry

I want to write more. When my heart breaks I like to try to capture those feelings and thoughts on paper. I want to write my prayers down more too. My brother Pete mentioned he has been writing down his prayers and is able to see them answered. It's encouraging and inspiring looking through a journal at old entries and seeing answered prayers. Or maybe it's a tough reminder how you don't pray as often and as bold as you have in the past.

Anyway, here is one such Spirit inspired writing I came across that I wrote in the fall over a year ago. Not a prayer, but rather just what I felt like God was telling me.

I cry out Father.
"I hear your cries" He says.
"You are mine.
You are a part of me.
Fear nothing, for I will not let you go.
I give you a light, a joy.
Let your light shine.
In times of sorrow or happiness, let it shine.
All will see the light I've given you.
It will shine into their darkness.
And as the light pierces their hearts,
I will fill them also.
Heart by heart the world will shine brighter.
Even your enemies will begin to shine.
No one can resist the light,
for in the dark they cannot see.
They wander aimlessly, fearing all things.
Or they drink away their fears.
Altering their state to feel at peace.
But the peace is only temporary.
It will fade and they will awake in the dark.
When they see the true light,
they will run for it."

Sometimes I don't now, other times I'm positive

    It has been far too long since I posted on here, so here are just some thoughts going through my head right now. There won't be much structure to this post, but yeah. Even as a follower of Christ I'm not completely doubt free. When I read a story about Jesus giving a blind man his sight or healing a man of leprosy, I have a little trouble with that. I have trouble with things I haven't experienced or witnessed myself. Yet there are many times I am certain there is something bigger, and that it is Christ.
    One such time, or rather reason for this certainty, is that I haven't felt alone in a long time. Yes, I am 21 years old and graduating from college in a little over a year so of course I feel a longing for a relationship, but that doesn't control me. As I type this I actually just realized, that whenever I am physically alone, spiritually I do not feel alone. When I get home after a long day, often times I sit in my room and do homework (or procrastinate) and strangely in a lot of these moments something starts stirring within me. Right now it is a feeling of not knowing, and yet a sense of assurance. I don't necessarily know where Christ is leading me, what he's going to do with my life, or in my ministry, but I know that God has his plans for me to walk in. What a grand adventure this is!
    Another thought: I have no reason to complain about my day. Every morning when I wake up I get to experience another day of life. Life is among the most beautiful things. Life is given freely. In an awesome sermon, Jonathan David Helser says "Worship is giving back to God what he first gave to us." I believe God gave us life. And this life I owe back to Him. My life was meant to be worship. I think I'll only find joy, not temporary happiness, in life when I am giving each day back, worshiping my creator. I think that is what we were made for.
    Sometimes I think maybe I'm just crazy, but other times I feel assured that I'm right. But if this joy and assurance I often feel is crazy, then I don't think I want to be right. I can't imagine going through life in constant worry and fear. Thinking that I have to do it alone. I'm never alone, for the Spirit is always with me. And not only that but God has put several people in my life that I know care deeply for me. I just know there is something bigger and it must be this Christ.

Letting Him shape me

    A while back I blogged about something I feel like God has been calling me out on for a while. Something that I acknowledge, but never really took any action on: sin that remains in areas of my life. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says that I am a "new creation." "The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." Why then are there still areas of sin in my life? I realize that perfection is something I will never be able to obtain because I am not Christ, but I should still be growing to look more like Christ. If what I say Jesus means to me is true, than it should be evident in my growth towards Christ. I should daily be changed by the Spirit within me and the Word.
    Sin still exist in areas of my life because either I allow it to continue, or because I try to fight it on my own to no success. "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Eph. 2:10) I was not made for sin. I was made for good works. So why then do I allow sin to continue in parts of my life? As is evident in scriptures sin ultimately leads to death.

"But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 6:21-23

"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." - Romans 8:5-6

    I have the choice between eternal life and death, and there are still some places where I choose death. That this sin still exists in my life, I would wager to say that I am not giving ALL of my self to God. I'm trying to let God into some areas of my life while trying to do things my own way in other areas. If I were giving all of my self to God then each day I should come to look more like Christ, and the sin that remains in my life would begin to fade. We cannot give only part of ourselves to God. He wants it ALL. He would rather us be all in or all out rather than partially in and partially out.

"I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth." - Revelations 3:15-16

God is pretty clear about what he wants right here. He would rather we be all in or all out. You can't sit on the fence when it comes to a life with Christ.
    As I've discussed before I can't fight sin on my own. I will always fall trying to fight sin on my own. Trying to do so is prideful. Christ has already won victory over our sin.

"'Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?'

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians 15:54-57

    God wants to give us victory. He wants to set us free. He wants to restore us to righteousness. Only in Christ do we gain this victory, this freedom, this righteousness.

"For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." - Romans 8:3-4

"...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8

Because of God's immense love for us He sent his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, to die the death that we deserved. To deliver us from life to death. To bring us victory over our sinful flesh.
    We are as the clay and He is as the Sculptor. The clay must trust and submit to the Sculptor and allow Him to shape it into what He desires. We must let God shape us. Let Him take away all the things in our lives that are not what he desires for us. He wants to make each of us his original masterpiece. Jeremiah 29:11 says "'...For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" God has plans for us. Plans that we can trust. He wants to give us so much more than the life that we have in our sin. Ephesians 2:10 says that we are his "workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works."
    Here is a video I once saw that talks about this; letting God shape us. I find it pretty powerful and it moves me everytime I watch it.

A Breaking Heart

    Well, I was about ready to go to bed for the night after a fun night of some sand volleyball with some students, but suddenly I feel my heart breaking. I just wanted to capture my thoughts in this moment. I enjoy this feeling whenever it comes along. It makes me think more according to my purpose. This isn't a broken heart in the sense of "Susie broke my heart". It's in the sense of life is oh so short, oh so precious, and oh so unpredictable. And I know there are a lot of people that don't realize this.
    I know there are students at Campbell County High School that do not know this. I believe the Lord wants to love these students, but they keep trying to do things their own way. Not to say I am any better; I try to do a lot of things my own way. We all have this void in our hearts. A void that we absolutely need to fill. Some try to fill it with their friends. Some with romantic relationships. Some with drugs and alcohol. Whenever I try to fill my void with something besides God I just end up feeling broken. Nothing fits in this void other than what was made to fit in it—Christ, God in flesh.
    I read in scripture that when we die we face judgement, by which we will either spend eternity in heaven or hell. I read that the only way to get to heaven is through Jesus Christ. One of my high school friends that hasn't accepted Christ could die tomorrow. It is crucial that these students hear the good news that is the gospel. What they do with what they hear is beyond my control, all we can do is share the gospel and for those who accept it help them grow in their faith, let God use us as instruments to help grow these students.
    It breaks my heart seeing students throw themselves into the chaos that is life as a high school student. Trying whatever they can to be loved or accepted by those around them. Getting all worked up because someone they thought they'd spend forever with dumped them. Seeing them make friends with people that would gladly stab them in the back to work their way up the social ladder. We make everything important to us that, in the grand scheme of things, is not really that important. We try to take control of things we have no control over, and when these things go wrong we blame ourselves. I don't believe life was intended to be this cruel. Everyone working against each other for themselves rather than working together for all of us as a whole.
    In 6 days we are leaving for our summer camp trip. Forty something students from Campbell County will have the best week of their life. Not just because it is a fun week, but because they are away from the chaotic world they know. A world that seems to be falling apart. Everything just feels right at a Young Life camp. Seeing students gathering in the club room to sing songs they may not be caught dead singing on their own time (for guys especially, Party in the USA). There are so many other things I want to put here, but it may ruin the fun for someone who reads this that hasn't gone to a Young Life camp yet. Let's just say there are activities that bring students together as one and let them be who they are.
    Most importantly, throughout the week these forty something students will have the gospel broken down for them into chunks that they can take piece by piece and digest. There will be cabins of guys and cabins of girls having open discussion about these chunks of the gospel. As leaders we pray that God will use us in these times, that he'll give us the words to answer questions students may have. We pray that we would also just listen to what students have to say. Speaking aloud is a good way to process information, and some of these students may have never had someone willing to listen to them. We pray the Spirit would be present and guide conversation.
    At the end of the week these forty something students will have an opportunity to respond to the gospel. Some may not accept the gospel at that time, and that is okay. All we can do is share the gospel, we can't choose for them how to respond. Some will accept the gospel at the end of the week. We hope to connect those who do accept the message of the gospel in small group bible studies where they can continue to grow together.
    I'm very excited for this camp trip, yet also anxious. It will be physically and spiritually exhausting. If you are the praying type, I ask that you pray for the camp trips that will be taking place this summer at Young Life camps around the country. Spiritual warfare is something I have trouble wrapping my critical mind around, but that is what is taking place this summer at these camps.

I the sinner... he the king

I the sinner... he the king

full of pride and contempt
I the sinner... he the king

in darkness I walked, to the darkness I fell
I the sinner... he the king

reckless and lost, beaten and tossed
I the sinner... he the king

refusing his help, denying my need
I the sinner... he the king

failing over and over again
I the sinner... he the king

spat on his face, turned my back on grace
I the sinner... he the king

cheering his sentence, no thought of repentance
I the sinner... he the king

watching him die, to the father he cried
I the sinner... he the king

bearing my shame, clearing my name
I the sinner... he the king

rising the third day, all the world to save
I the sinner... he the king

Grace unmeasured, Love undeserved
i the saved... by Christ my King

There is Hope

    Often times I feel like there is no hope for getting over my sin. Just as Paul says "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out." (Romans 7:18). I desire greatly to do good, what I know is right and pleasing to the Lord, but I often times mess up and find myself back at square one. I realize there is forgiveness, and I accept this, but when I look at the monster that is my sin I feel defeated, for my sin is great. Yet grace abounds.
    There is one major flaw in this perspective: I can't conquer my sin. I, alone, can never free myself from sin. I am a fool to ever think that I can conquer sin on my own. For if I could there would have been no reason for the cross. I'd wager to say it is even prideful to think that I can defeat sin. Often times when I am confronted with sin I try to fight the battle on my own, but this is wrong, and I will always lose.
    There is hope however. God promised to deliver the people of Israel from their uncleanliness by placing in them His Spirit.

"I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules." - Ezekiel 36:25-27

Jesus did not leave us here to fend for ourselves when he ascended, but he also left us with the Spirit. Through the Spirit and what Christ did on the cross we have all we need for the battles we face. Peter iterates this very thing in his second letter:

"His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire." - 2 Peter 1:3-4

    I cannot rely on myself to resist sin. Rather I must surrender myself to God, His Spirit, and Christ. If I am consumed by the Spirit, I will not be able to help but to walk in God's statutes. Gordon Dalbey says it well in his book Healing the Masculine Soul,

"Under the new covenant initiated by Jesus, another avenue has been opened for lasting saving power. Through Jesus' death and resurrection, the powers separating us from God—namely, our self-centered pride that leads us to sin—have been overcome. We no longer live by threat of the Law, but by the promise of the Holy Spirit, who empowers us to draw close to God and overcome our desires of the flesh."

    The battle against our sinful desires is not a hopeless battle. As much as the enemy would like me to think otherwise, there is hope. I myself cannot win the battle, but the battle was won on the cross. It is there that Christ died, to cleanse and deliver us from our sin, to deliver us from death to life, eternal life! We also have the Holy Spirit living inside of us that will help us to walk according to God's statutes. It empowers us! All we have to do is surrender. Surrender our pride and stop trying to fight the battle we can't win alone. The battle that is already won! There is hope! God made us as masterpieces and he wants to restore us to the masterpieces he intended us to be.