It has been far too long since I posted on here, so here are just some thoughts going through my head right now. There won't be much structure to this post, but yeah. Even as a follower of Christ I'm not completely doubt free. When I read a story about Jesus giving a blind man his sight or healing a man of leprosy, I have a little trouble with that. I have trouble with things I haven't experienced or witnessed myself. Yet there are many times I am certain there is something bigger, and that it is Christ.
One such time, or rather reason for this certainty, is that I haven't felt alone in a long time. Yes, I am 21 years old and graduating from college in a little over a year so of course I feel a longing for a relationship, but that doesn't control me. As I type this I actually just realized, that whenever I am physically alone, spiritually I do not feel alone. When I get home after a long day, often times I sit in my room and do homework (or procrastinate) and strangely in a lot of these moments something starts stirring within me. Right now it is a feeling of not knowing, and yet a sense of assurance. I don't necessarily know where Christ is leading me, what he's going to do with my life, or in my ministry, but I know that God has his plans for me to walk in. What a grand adventure this is!
Another thought: I have no reason to complain about my day. Every morning when I wake up I get to experience another day of life. Life is among the most beautiful things. Life is given freely. In an awesome sermon, Jonathan David Helser says "Worship is giving back to God what he first gave to us." I believe God gave us life. And this life I owe back to Him. My life was meant to be worship. I think I'll only find joy, not temporary happiness, in life when I am giving each day back, worshiping my creator. I think that is what we were made for.
Sometimes I think maybe I'm just crazy, but other times I feel assured that I'm right. But if this joy and assurance I often feel is crazy, then I don't think I want to be right. I can't imagine going through life in constant worry and fear. Thinking that I have to do it alone. I'm never alone, for the Spirit is always with me. And not only that but God has put several people in my life that I know care deeply for me. I just know there is something bigger and it must be this Christ.
